On June 5th, I posted, “Yesterday had me thinking, “Where did life go so wrong that you don’t want to wake up anymore?”

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There comes a time, such moments in your life, if you’re lucky, where you know you will no longer be that same person anymore. These moments spur your very being into evolving yourself because you know, that if you don’t, you will either whither away OR, if somehow, you believe in yourself, you can grow into the person that you’re supposed to be. They help define you.

Not to sound dramatic but this website is a part of my growth, that turning point in my life where I can’t look back. This site is where you will see stuff from my personal life bleed over… which means severe repercussions when it comes to family life. You see, with my last name, come tons of expectations: religious and cultural.

Being the first generation born here in the United States, that means partaking in decisions that my family doesn’t agree with. You see my “About Me” (Fine, Horsey-Poo page)? That contains more of my life than I’ve let my family and friends see outside of Facebook.

…And the week prior, the week of my birthday, I was hit with the most stress I have ever felt past the age of 18. Family pressures & obligations.

Again, in case I’m not being clear, being a woman, more specifically, a Muslim woman, first generation of Pakistani descent, “Americanized”, and not married by the age of 33 (just turned 33!), amongst “other things”–has been a huge struggle. I’m sure it’s as much of a struggle for my family as it is for me.

Last week, I can honestly say I was tested: boundaries were pushed and I felt uncomfortable. I’m well aware that these words could be used against me but, going back to that first paragraph, it’s time to be all I can be. To make my own decisions.

To not be afraid, to not be anxious, to be more ME, to be the better me so eventually I can be the best me.

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Why Am I Sharing Personal Crap Here?

One, I’m not built like the rest. Over the last year, I have found relief in writing. When I share my personal feelings, when I get it all out (usually only reserved for my most private circle), I feel relieved, albeit, perhaps temporary relief.

Two, a few years ago when I had my blog in the IM space, and I felt that I wasn’t doing as well as what seemed to be ‘small time bloggers’ who were becoming big timers, I learned about all the dishonesty that this space can generate. There’s more to this. I learned over the last two years that these blogs are deliberately set up to NEVER share any failures, to only sell the mirage of success.

I love TV shows like Shark Tank because of the nature of the show! We get to see entrepreneurs step up, share their stories, even when they’re not successful, and see if they get picked up by one of the sharks.

I think it’s important to share struggles. We all have a story to tell. It’s the one thing that helps connect us… maybe even save us? Nothing has helped me more in the last 2.5 years than meeting people who pulled me out of myself.

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I will forever be grateful for people who extended their hand to me, even when I pretended I didn’t need the help. I am grateful for people I can now call my friends, who, when they saw me in a corner by myself (hey, I can’t help I have the makings of a feral cat :/ ), they pulled me to them to talk to them, as if they needed my company.

Writing about it makes me tear up.

My Catalyst

I will never forget the week of my 33rd birthday: May 29th through June 6th, to be specific. I will never forget the boundaries that were pushed, how the whole thing went down. Last week (as I type this), had me thinking that this would be, frankly, the shittiest birthday yet.

Little did I know!

On my birthday, I was scheduled to teach a class full of 8th graders. I walked in and as I took my beanie off, the whole classroom burst into my happy birthday song! As they sang it to me, and as I took it in trying to hold emotion back, another student walked towards me and handed me a bunch of happy birthday cards that they had all individually made! Just look at the effort they made for me:

birthday cards by kids

That same day, friends… well “new” friends, let’s be frank, made time for me as well as close friends. I was treated to amazing Indian food, the perfect coffee, a delicious chocolate shake, and fun at night.

However, that’s not the peak of it. On Saturday, during our flag football playoff game, I was given so much time on the field, it took me by surprise. I typically rush a little bit or substitute for slot, which isn’t a lot when sharing those positions with other players. However, this time, I was also told to play linebacker position on defense.

Having never done this, I’m pretty sure I crapped a brick or two. First, in a hurry, I asked my teammate what the heck I was supposed to cover. Then thoughts like, “oh my God, Moon! If you miss one flag, you’ll never be asked to play defense again!”

Let’s just say that I played my best ever, caught my passes, and plenty of flags! As if that could get any more amazing, after the game, my amazing teammate Sara, pulls me aside, “Hey, let me introduce you to the girls in the league. It’s annoying when I say their names and you don’t know them.” I laughed and went along.

I should’ve known when this clever Frenchie introduced me to just one female player & brought me back. Back where? To where my team had set up a birthday cake for me, with a football signed by the team, & crooning happy birthday to me…

bday cake

That post, the image I’ve posted above, was posted after all of this went down. I experienced low lows and now high highs all within the week of my birthday. Talk about irony, Alanis!

Anyways…It’s My Time! Is It Yours?!

This has been long and very much focused on me. I have websites in the works, itsy bitsy details I’ll be sharing of how the sites are set up, the timeframe it took to generate any revenue, the backlinking strategies, and so on.

If there’s one thing I have learned this year, it’s that when you put good out in the world, more than likely, in one form or another, it’ll come back to you.

The lesson here is: take charge of your life, do whatever the fuck you want to do with it because you’re only going to live ONCE, and give, give, give!

Yesterday, while taking a hot shower, (minds outta gutter, please, haha!), I had this moment. I was tired. I am tired. I was tired of the shampoo stinging my eyes but while I can’t help that, could I possibly help the emotional struggles I’ve been feeling, non-stop, for years now?

The answer isn’t that easy, I know, but it was a “you can definitely do better. You’ve held yourself back professionally and personally but why? For what? Why are you letting your dreams slip by? You’re better than this… you’ve done things. Things you know you had to do to survive. You’re the one who is suffering and if it’s not your time now, then when?

It was a moment in a series of moments that felt so surreal, that it felt like I was watching a character play me in a badly scripted movie.

There were moments I felt like I could hysterically laugh out loud (because I see the humour in most situations) or hysterically… cry out loud. And that’s hard to admit.

After all, how could this be my life? How could things have gotten this bad?

If you are in debt, struggling with your family for whatever reason, dealing with anything that’s taking ahold of your life, you can choose to go either way:

  • Decide to come out of it
  • Keep feeling the same emotions until they take you down

Goals

Simple. Generate a full time income through online properties:

 

  • In 6 months, generate $2k per month from my own websites
  • By my 34th birthday, generate $5k per month from my own websites

 

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not cocky. However, I recognize the lethal knowledge I possess and also, the ways in which I have sabotaged myself. This is extremely doable. Plus, now I can tap into a network of people (other marketers) that I trust, who I can reach out to and get some advice. This will be key!

Plus, if I fail miserably, you get to tell me 😉 You’ll see what I’m struggling with, what is working, what’s not, how I handle any situations with my properties. I always love reading about case studies and detailed reports… so… you’re welcome!

Stop Fucking Around

I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to look at all that I have and all I’m about to gain. Fuck that, I’m lucky. I’m not sure how this happened but it did… and now I’m here.

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“N-now th-that that don’t kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can’t wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can’t get much wronger
Man I’ve been waiting all night now
That’s how long I been on ya
(I need you right now!)…
Bow in the presence of greatness
Cause right now thou hast forsaken us
You should be honored by my lateness
That I would even show up to this fake shit” – Stronger by Kanye West
[Yeah, I totally quoted Kanye, from one narcissist to another, lulz].

How about you?